Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
