I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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