shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
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