apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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