i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
