Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
