Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
