I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize