I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
