i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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