Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
