i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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