I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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