Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Randomize
