It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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