I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
