I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
