I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
