i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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