this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Randomize
