Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
