May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I had to cum in my sink.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
