I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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