So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
