He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm eating all of the evidence.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
