Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
