YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
