I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
