I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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