please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
