I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
