the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
