highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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