who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize