If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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