And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Randomize
