Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
