worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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