i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
