If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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