I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
