is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
