never play flip cup with pint glasses
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
