I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Of course I have a pirate flag
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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