butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
