I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Randomize
