4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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