if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
