I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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