It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
not ubering you a puppy
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
