And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
