i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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