dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
