It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
