i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize