I'm gonna have a badass scar
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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