No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize