i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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