Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
