Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
