butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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