Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
