I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize