boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
