You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
My balls are so social today.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
