Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
