Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
