Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
