i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
