She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
