Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
