she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
