What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
