I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
