maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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